A Political Christmas Parody
’Twas the night before Election Day, and all through the land,
The candidates trembled, their futures unplanned.
The ballots were hung by the voting booths with care,
In hopes that the voters soon would be there.
The pollsters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of margins danced in their heads.
The pundits on cable had talked themselves hoarse,
Predicting the winners — and changing their course.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tripped over the dog and knocked over the trash.
The moon on the lawn gave a shimmering glow,
To a bus full of candidates parked down below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a frantic campaign team, all trembling with fear!
Their driver was weary, his eyes bloodshot red,
He looked like he hadn't been home or in bed.
He shouted their names as they jumped from the bus,
"Come Democrats! Republicans! Stop making a fuss!"
"Now promises! Speeches! Now slogans and spin!
Now tell all the voters why YOU ought to win!
To the top of the polls! To the top of the chart!
Now promise them everything! Tug at each heart!"
The commercials were flying, the mailboxes stuffed,
The voters were tired, and they'd had quite enough.
Their phones wouldn't stop with the fundraising pleas,
"Just five dollars more!" Oh, Lord, make it cease!
The candidates smiled till their faces were sore,
They knocked on each window and every front door.
They kissed every baby, shook hands with each dad,
And promised to fix every problem we had.
The Democrats shouted, "Our victory's near!"
Republicans answered, "Not this time, my dear!"
The pollsters insisted the race was a tie,
While everyone wondered if polls ever lie.
Then suddenly, silence descended that night,
No ads and no robocalls — what a delight!
The voters rejoiced, and they danced with great glee,
For twenty-four hours, their phones might be free!
But I heard a voice as the bus drove away,
"Get ready, America! Tomorrow's the day!
Go cast your ballot, let your voice ring clear,
And pray that the recounts don't last till next year!"
Then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY VOTING TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"